gastriques: July 2008

7/31/08

Forget his many crimes. The biggest reason for sending Turd Blossom to jail is to get him out of the campaign.

The 45th parallel

Evocative piece on great wine and the best part of Italy.

He's axing for it

Comments are almost as good as the "ad" -- "This codger was a busboy at the Last Supper."

And I thought

being able to borrow DVDs from the library was a great development. Cake pans are so much cooler.

The perfect response

to that survivalist parody in the Home section (it was a parody, I hope).

7/30/08

Not fud, but I vote

for the Internets for president. If only because the old guy has no idea how to connect.

On the light side

They will still be here long after we've Wall-E'd the world.

Not fud, just "The Lives of Others"

The short version.

And the long.

To think

Mo-Do gets paid to crank out embarrassing pap by comparison.

7/29/08

They paved Cornucopia

and put up a McMansion lot. What kind of country forgets we need to get ourselves back to the garden?

I think public radio

might be the original hybrid of reporting and blog. Tonight Upton Sinclair might even have sat up in his grave.

"Like Wall-E

but without the Star Trek fashion." More wisdom from the young.

Explanation of the day

for once upon a time an American empire: "On the north, she had a weak neighbor; on the south, another weak neighbor; on the east, fish; on the west, fish."

Reports of old media's death

may be exaggerated: This is the ultimate locavorism, and they were on it a year ago. Of course, without the limitless pages of the internets, a magazine would have a harder time pulling it off.

(Filched from a cross between the two)

If you feed them

they will let you get away with flat-out lying.

"Agro-economics

of the madhouse." But the one glimmer of hope in the horror in Haiti validates his thinking.

7/28/08

Not fud, but better

than you'll read in print. The Chimp had his chance.

Not fud, just high-wire

political thinking and writing. Almost makes you wonder why there isn't an unborn-again movement.

(Filched here)

About as far as you can get

from the obsessions of Styles and the sneering at vegetable gardeners for hire.

Good

question. And relief for old ears (and eyes) after that last one.

This explains a lot

Who would get good grades for canned peaches? Prince Bandar in the kitchen is quite an image, though.

Might have been

his Dukakis-in-the-tank moment. Except we have months to go and miles of missteps ahead.

7/26/08

I swore off the internets today

but jeebus, does this make you want the old guy in the supermarket to succeed him?

7/25/08

Aside from the 2,751 killed

9/11 provided Tribeca with a dining correction, too. This at least was better than the trend stew, but you do wonder where editors big (judgment) and small (poor boys?) were.

I'd go for the steak

but stay for the gravy. But that might be because it was years before my dad from Texhoma could let on that meat was involved. Until then, the white stuff was always dinner.

Not fud, but LOL

As the Rude One put it, "Pools of stomach acid are eating out the guts of the right wing in America as they wait for their November doom." So why do we bleeding hearts find that so funny?

Imagine

if Panchito had communicated even the slightest intimation that the guy was a sociopath one drink away from disaster.

In retrospect

he probably should have gone for the press stunt with the oil spill.

Could the answer be

outsourcing the FDA to Europe? First, though, maybe we should kill all the lobbyists.

Maybe I should save

my sympathy, given the Turd Blossom advising him, but the old guy is having a tough time.

Better

than the trend stew the NYTimes ran. And now I know asparagus does have foliage.

7/24/08

Imagine

a president who is not too fucked up to have a normal drink.

Not fud, but barbed

Quote of the day, from the inimitable Dan Froomkin, on simian salaries:

"Staci A. Wheeler, the White House's director of fact checking, is -- at $60,000 -- either being paid way too little or way too much, depending on how you want to look at it."

This will wipe out

the Obama coverage. How low can the old guy go?

7/23/08

Lest we forget

who the base is. No wonder the old guy is steaming: Who knew the pho eaters slumming with ribs would be so easily seduced by old-time felafel?

Why is America so fat?

Five large subs for $5. And two cans of soup?

7/22/08

Let 'em eat caviar

I would ask who these sociopaths are who are working for McLame, but after seven years I think I have a clue.

Same Boy Wonder has one of the more insightful thoughts ever on cooking, too: Bullet point 2.

The $25 billion bloody Mary

And we the people will pay* for that hair of the dog. (Whoever caught this on video, though, is probably on his way to Guantanamo right now.)**

(*Amended even though figures lie and liars figure.)

**Apparently I was right; video's gone from Youtube, but his words can't be erased. The Internets are forever.

I couldn't work up a froth

but he did. Now I know it isn't even real product.

Eventually they will reach

the one-millionth suspect for the salmonella watch list. One fucking jalapeno? Can this government be saved?

Not fud, but very sharp

NPR is going overboard trying to be fair and balanced these days. I was reeling in bed listening; imagine what people in cars took away.

I'm saving

my full bile for Sunday, but really. It's as if John McCain is reviewing restaurants. Squiggly, she says? Don't get me started on the wine ignorance on parade . . .

to make a trend story anymore. Given the mix and match of gardening, shopping and conspicuous consumption needed to hit the magic three, this was more a trend stew. The Gurgling Cod beat me to it, but this is the only proper response.

Too close

4 comfort.

(Gleaned from the metagleaners)

Picnic

season.

What

were they thinking? No. 2 is really just that.

7/21/08

Not fud, but chilling

And to think I'm so old I remember when all airline advertising was instantly pulled whenever a plane went down. . . .

Turd Blossom's legacy

Maybe America has finally learned what happens when the horse shit gets too deep.

I'd forgotten

about the retractable fangs remark.

$9 million

in venture capital . . . Not enough to hire a copy editor, though: You can search restaurant or restuarants and get different results.

Not fud, just LOL

You almost feel sorry for the old guy.

Hurtling

toward extinction. Story's a bit of a mess, but it ends with a bang. (TomDispatch's advice for reading the NYTimes always holds: Start with the last three grafs.)

Still, as if we should talk . . .

7/19/08

Usually they only retch

when they have to give the prices . . .

(Gleaned from the metagleaners)

Not fud, but validation

of the notion that the Chimp will never be looked on more kindly. Genius might need perspective. Assholism is forever.

Funny how I never noticed

the first beer I ever drank is extinct.

No sugar for fuel

Really. Use it for rum.

(Yes, you have to click through an annoying ad. We're all working for the Pharaoh.)

Not fud, just LOL

No moss gathered here.

Thank you, Al Gore

for inventing the internets. A million whacked inventors turn their grateful eyes to you.

A fate worse

than cheese judging: pushing wine in a pole bar. David Mamet couldn't dream this up.

"Like a middle school cafeteria"

with arugula and orange juice.

Quote of the day

"If this were a horror film, the downfall of the American economy could be karmic retribution, some manifestation of maize vengeance brought down by patient Native American spirits."

And as Astrology Mundo pointed out, and my consort's friends in Santa Fe confirmed, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 . . .

She looks

exactly like I imagined. If a cook had bought that paper, he'd know you can't keep going back to the carcass for more meat. Add some aromatics and you can turn it into stock.

Not fud, just good

Heath must be spinning. And no one could have predicted . . .

12 oysters

$66.

7/18/08

Will corn

be America's potato?

Off to see the wildfires

in his empathy shirt.

One nation

under the bed. Of course, figures lie and liars figure, because this story mentions ground beef in passing, but the pants-wetting seems to be over produce. McDonald's, after all, is a constitutional right.

Pick your own

damn tomatoes.

7/17/08

Not fud, just perspective

Can't we just secede?

(Link A filched from the Boy Wonder)

Suspicions

confirmed. Better at home than in bad company.

Let 'em eat

birth control pills. Well, actually. No.

A woman

after my own bleeding heart: "How can I worry about the damned dishes when there are children dying in Vietnam?"

(The whole album is one of my favorite slices of America.)

Not fud, just LOL

No one ever says it better.

Olympic image of the day

From "Nibbles" in the Guardian:

"On Monday, McClatchy Newspapers reported that in Changping, guards carefully monitor the perimeter of Lin Yuan's farm, where carrots, peppers and tomatoes will ripen in what Nibbles imagines to be a sort of vegetable POW camp. If you think that's ridiculous, spare a thought for the 10 secret pig farms set up in the countryside to provide meat for the Olympic Village. Destined for the dinner plate, the animals get a strict two hours of exercise a day, eat organic feed and are monitored around the clock. Guards go so far as to mentally train them, too: regular cries of "Trough it, you filthy beasts!" and "Eat for China!" ring out over the farmyard. (We freely admit our imagination ran away with us at this point.)"

I know

the feeling.

Not fud, just sobering

State of the union, because socialized medicine would destroy it.

7/16/08

On the plus side

we can take comfort in knowing not all the funny money was distributed in Iraq.

Not fud, just funny

Could no one in the press pack in 2000 have communicated at least a hint of this?

I will always remember

hearing about the frantic calls made one afternoon in search of food allusions on deadline -- chefs sharpen knives, she hones her wit by stroking the serfs in the joint. Generally, I stay out of the black hole of comments, but these are worth the journey.

And this explains why we know more about arugula than Walnuts.

Not fud, but upchuckable

As always, the fake news shows shame the "real" journalists. If we can't vote tomorrow, can we at least secede?

Hard to tell which is scarier

When they don't look like the package. Or when they do . . .

The only guarantee anymore

is that the news will only get worse. We'll all be paying for those McMansions cheap money developed.

Not fud, just funny

Especially since he quakes in his boots too badly to get near a horse.

At least you can buy arugula

at Kroger.

7/15/08

Even better

than the butter . . .

Hold

the Viagra . . .

Must be a chapati in there

somewhere. And black-eyed peas can be curried.

Even the wrong end

of the alimentary canal would be insulted.

Not fud, but good

Rude Fun With New Yorker Cartoons: Every week, the magazine runs a caption contest for one of its cartoons. Nearly every week, you can put these words to the panel: "You think that's bad? I just blew my dog." Try it. It works about 90% of the time.

(If you're brave, read the whole thing. Time to move on . . .)

Not sure the wingnuts

will get it.

(Filched because the postman let us down on such a big Monday.)

Imagine the hysteria

if they were buying Heinz in 2004 . . .

Not fud, just good

recall.

Free range

does not apply to markets.

7/14/08

SIDS

for mollusks. "Better oysters through science" indeed.

Not fud, but funny

Also funny how those abstinence promoters clam up when oil is involved.

Proud

to be an idiot.

What you will never see

in Martha Stewart or on the clone blogs: real food.

Water or not

At least the archaeologists from other planets will have a gorgeous record of how this one went down.

Not fud, just sobering

Never again.

7/13/08

The ice cream?

Not as sweet as it seemed, either.

The cake?

Collateral carnage.

7/12/08

Smorgasbord

for writers -- one of my contentions exactly.

Truth

in venison.

Ham and cheese

and accountability. While our country can't even track tomatoes, let alone fecal beef.

Not fud, just beyond appalling

They have to be buried as if they did something shameful. And this five-deferment ghoul will get nothing but pomp and ceremony.

If we had commercials like this

I'd learn how our teevee works.

(Filched from gleaners with a sense of humor)

Not fud, just sadly amusing

Somewhere, a cave man is smiling.

When ingredients

are treated like suspected terrorists: Accuse them all and keep bungling.

Davida

and Goliath. Good for her for keeping up the good fight.

Engulf

and devour. Smart move, though: They kick Zagat's ass.

New to me

and I spent time in Philadelphia. I grew up with an electric stove (after we graduated from a wood-burning one), though, so this must have been pretty insidious propaganda. Gas is better.

Not fud, just apt

But there will never be money for health care, Italian style.

7/11/08

Whiners, he says?

Yeah, proud ones. I didn't buy espresso after lunch because it was 20 percent more a tin than last time. We should all marry heiresses and get health care for life.

Soda,

meet Pop. The whole thing is worth the long read.

She's right

Isn't it rich?

It's actually cacao

but it's pretty good.

I hear it's taking Salon

a whole week to say this.

Not fud, just appalling

He grills for them, they bring him doughnuts. But only nuts make news.

Not fud, but fascinating

Kids these days . . .

Not fud, but too true

How the Brits see the evildoers.

Nimby

for bees.

I've never eaten here

but I feel as if I have. The Bad Cop in action.

7/10/08

Mental inflation

Good on Time for dredging this up: Poor America be fat/should be happy.

It would be less appalling

if you didn't remember lapdogs can lick their own gonads. Why do they feel compelled to service him?

More discernible activity

than the Chimp's brain has exhibited in seven-plus years. The boyfriend slayer had better not see it, though -- it's the Lump in his bed's fantasy* come true.

*Warning: Go eat something obscene that you don't want to be part of you forever before clicking. You will surely upchuck. Long and hard.

Not fud, just downright Brazilian

Why aren't the newscasters obsessing on McCain's age group the same way? He thinks Social Security is a disgrace.

Not fud, just WTF

Nuts, someone said?

Almost enough

to make you go vegan. And it's hard to comprehend that cravings for meat might actually come from catapulted propaganda.

We've come a long way

Now every green/frugality story seems to advise going shopping. I like the old messages but don't need the posters.

Not fud, just "The Lives of Others"

Why the 29 percent Chimp got his "victory."

(Filched from the indefatigable Lisa Casey)

The wild man of 74th Street

eats his way around Morningside Heights (well, a liberally defined Morningside Heights).

A pinch of dollar

Not just clever but a good primer on tomato sauce -- butter is key.

(Gleaned from the metaGleaners)

Not fud, just annihilation

Can't we all just get along?

Tomato terror

Why we subscribe to two newspapers: put this and this together and you get a full story. One makes you despair for your bloated government, the other makes you wonder why the tomatoes couldn't be cooked rather than left to rot. Or why that was never an option for consumers. . . .

7/9/08

Antidote

to chocolate chip anytime/anywhere.

Not fud, just worth repeating

The only solution is secession. Our guys vote right. And it's a hell of a lot harder to illegally spy on 8 million (senza Staten Island, of course).

Hard to top

a Flying Wallenda of words who not only notes that our esteemed Chimp (sixth graf) was just as confused as the old guy about Social Security but also dredges up this (must be National Homer Day). Medicare? A national shame!

Not fud, but pretty amazing

Proof that without the Google, you're a dangerous idiot.

Full circle

Muck with food too much and pretty soon you're back to Square One: processed.

Trust him

He was appointed by the Chimp.

Addiction?

What addiction?

If there's any consolation,

they are all listening in on endless orders for pizza. . .

Not fud, just amusing

in a very sinister way. The old guy's hinges are decidedly loose.

They'll have to pry that Bud

out of his clammy hands to get him to give up the White House.

7/8/08

Not fud, just a great

civics lesson. The score is 545 to 300 million, and who's winning?

Maybe if they'd used a pretzel?

My consort's cousin is right: The Croc wearer is destroying the reputation of not just Americans but chimpanzees, too. The cretin would starve trying to hit a legume.

Molto aMusing

And the loser throws librarians out of town halls for bearing signs saying the new guy equals the old Chimp. I wonder if he has already had socks made with the presidential seal on them.

Not fud, but incisive

And the Colombians didn't force-feed.

Peripherally fud

but good.

Let 'em eat

18 courses. The only consolation is that the Chimp was chained to his chair for all 18, presumably without wine. Those tasting menus can feel like hostage situations.

(Filched from mournful Trex, who has the best description ever of the media's demonstration of love for McLame. Hint: It doesn't involve BBQ or doughnuts.)

Why I can't eat these guys

They're too smart to be food.

Not fud, but a good first step

Identifying the villains makes it easier to vanquish them. I also like how the object of desire has morphed from "health insurance" to "health care" as more people realize they are paying big premiums for a crap shoot.

"The fishermen

won't go down without taking the ecosystem with them."

And on a similar note . . .

About Time

someone pointed out the obvious. That chicken drivel really was the nadir.

Not fud, but funny

As is the whole series from this international embarrassment. Yo, indeed.

Not so sure

I would eat a funky chicken, let alone a fresh one. Otherwise, great stuff here.

What's wrong

With this picture?

Not fud, but good

While newspapers wither . . .

(Full disclosure for Astrology Mundo's sake, and for those not connecting dots as easily: This is about the guy genius enough to hire my brilliant consort. And give great parties.)

I am the world's

least discriminating consumer of all news food-related. But I tune some crap out for just this reason.

7/7/08

Jumping the orange shark

Comments are as good as the post, too. Send this tired mayonnaise to computer school.

Not that I'm sad

about what has happened to my profession or anything, but wouldn't you think an elegy for the beer that made Sugar Mama's fortune could at least mention what she had to say about the takeover? You know that if it were some other all-American commodity -- ketchup, say -- it would be all fair and balanced, all the time.

Applies to fud, too

"Support good media, punish bad media."

Finally, a reason to move back to the Midwest

Apparently it's cheaper to take an ambulance than pay your bill for a crappy steak dinner. My blocks-long ride last year, courtesy of the FDNY, was much more than a meal for one goes for at Masa.

(Filched from this problem speller via this verbal acrobat)

Maybe I can finally

stock up on some good espresso without having to wait 14 hours.

Not fud, just amazing

Can't we vote now? Please?

Not fud, just enlightening

Also an insight into why print newspapers are dying. Their corporate profits just can't keep up.

Deadlines?

Not me.

Not fud, just impressive

More tax cuts for the rich, please.

Mapping

the dinosaurs: great big bodies, little tiny brains.

Scary enough

to hear Daniel Schorr singing "Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?" But it gets worse. And worse.

When I think of harvests

I don't think of snails.

7/6/08

I thought A-Rod

was the one engaging in this. (I had to post some relief from that idiot son while I'm over at the base camp today.)

7/5/08

Not fud, just endlessly rewarding

Thank allah it was made so long ago; the lyrics could loop into infinity since the pretzel weirdness.

Not fud, just perspective

Whatever Osama wants, he gets. Heckuva job, Chimpy.

(Filched from the hardest-blogging guy out there)

And they're not food,

either, but not many bothered to spell out what the hell they are if they're not potatoes.

And speaking

of food calamities . . .

Somehow

I don't think jalapenos will be the culprit, although "loose ends" is an interesting phrase to use in an investigation of salmonella-driven diarrhea. And Lou Dobbs is going to go even more batshit insane. As always, though, the mystery is why recalls of far more lethal beef just elicit yawns.