gastriques: August 2008

And why am I convinced he picked someone from Alaska to counter the Hawaii cachet? You know you're old when you remember when America had only 48 states.

While my friends and I

were eating great orzo salad and sausage and smoked salmon sandwiches and eggs in garlic sauce . . .

Nuking

the fridge. Because when I think Cult of Saint Danny, cocktails jump to mind.

8/28/08

Metamucil

counts as fud. Wolcott is in particularly fine form.

More money for fud

Unless you have too much money, of course.

Heckuva job,

Chimpy. If the Russians won't eat the chicken . . .

"Before the pineapples arrived

these rivers ran clean."

Not fud, just revealing

Nothing to fear but . . .

(Gleaned from another new addiction)

8/27/08

Some TB knows how to use the Internets

Ooey gooey cheeses? Spare me.

I got a sense of this from reading the blogs all week, not from watching the teevee on my small screen, but once again, I suspect the "pros" are missing a story. A big story while NYC Friedman whimpers about getting left in Beijing's dust.

Not fud, but pretty amazing

Isn't this the party supposedly appalled by the breakdown of civilized civilization?

Old

but still good.

"A smorgasbord of tapas"

And Bobby Flay almost redeems himself.

Not fud, just LOL

The essence of the essence.

Not fud, but amazing

The old guy gets away with stuff that would have sunk any Democrat. And to think he could avoid all of it just by learning to use the series of tubes like other septuagenarians.

You can't go back

to first grade again. Funny, though, I also once worked with a couple of people who voluntarily ate pink Sno-Balls every day. The kind from the vending machine, not the urban dictionary.

For once

the finger isn't pointing at us. Alcopops? Very American to sue the supermarket, though.

The cooking would not be too bad

compared with the drowning and skinning.

8/26/08

Fud for sure

Slow to start but builds.

Not fud, but funny

Prohibition

has been very good for some dreamers of the American dream.

Not fud, just insightful

But then I always thought Bill was targeted because his having proven any American kid could grow up to be president threatened the heritage network to its very core.

This

sounds dangerous.

(Filched from here)

Not fud, just LOL

McLame's BFF.

8/25/08

Go.

Nobu.

Not fud, just embarrassing

How one part of the rest of the world sees it.

Not fud, but profoundly sad

If you can't bring yourself to read the whole thing, this summary is surprisingly snarkless. Want four more years of wasted lives? Or a hundred more?

Wait long enough

and the snark gets written for you. (Christ on a crouton, though, I think we were still living in the DOA when I wrote about the salad anti-diet for Health magazine, and that was 16, 17 years ago when I had to file stories by modem if not Fedex.)

Not fud, but suddenly

I feel better.

(Gleaned from Harper's)

Not fud, but you may want

to start stockpiling your fallout shelter.

Is it my imagination

or was it possible to get work done before cats with forks were all over the series of tubes?

Not fud, but funny

Cheap shot, but still.

When exactly

did cappuccino become regular joe, anyway?

Any reason is a good reason

to wheel out Tom Waits.

(Beware Copyranter's links; you will check in and not check out.)

Great moments

in advertising. And this is maybe more believable than popcorn cellphones.

(Both filched from the boundlessly energetic Copyranter)

The hits

just don't stop.

Perspective

Cuban style.

More here.

Not fud, but pretty good

Walk a block in his $520 shoes.

8/24/08

Finally

some comic relief.

(Gifted by Groffoto)

And one kitchen

each.

Seven

kitchen tables.

8/23/08

He should have said arugula

Another reason

to drink wine.

Taste of Home

Brit style.

This is the proof

We are in End Times.

I'll have

what he's been having.

Not jud, just illuminating

The delusion is really a delusion.

8/22/08

Only

in America: Too many Happy Meals.

I'm sure she can

cook in all those kitchens.

And why is beer

more acceptable than ketchup, anyway?

A gazillion houses

with servants, and no cappuccino machine? I half-wish I was back in the Verde Valley to see spectacles like this.

Not fud, just LOL

You almost feel sorry for old Butt Boil.

Not fud, but good

I'm bored with the houses, but points for two lines: "knocking back pints of hope" and McLame is "a man so small that he could live without problems in a Ferragamo shoebox."

And there's this.

"Electronic pasteurization"

How much more damage can these bozos do in the next 150 days?

8/21/08

10 kitchens (at least)

(Filched from the Boy Wonder)

Not fud, just appalling

To think all those stories were written on the restaurant boom in DC and not one connected the dots . . . I have not read the book, but the inaccessible excerpt in Harper's last month was pretty devastating. And NYC wonders why elevators in public housing can't be repaired? Okay. I'll calm down. It has made restaurateurs rich and "Washington chef" a less laughable phrase.

Better than trying to sell arugula

as rocket. Green should be peace.

Not fud, but pretty great

How much are the paid ad guys getting, anyway? Jeebus.

But their hearts

are healthy. What's the problem?

And to think

he could be wasting his life debasing himself to make partner in a law firm.

Chodorow

has no imagination.

And university presses

looking at the bottom line might be part of the reason for this big trend, I suspect.

(Gleaned from the table scraps)

Home of the ice cream soda

but not the Denver omelet.

Maybe he could just count

the kitchens. All fully outfitted.

Rice

that almost cooks itself. The whole gallery makes carrying a reusable bag seem like a very small gesture in a warming world.

Cartoonists

see it clearest.

8/20/08

Sounds right

to me. Although gluttony is rather flabbily defined.

This is way above

all our pay grades.

No

comment.

What doesn't

food rule?

Maybe America

does have a cuisine.

Sazeracs

here he comes.

Now if only

someone can nail whoever is handing out those "Excellence in Hospitality" awards in so many restaurants where the customer comes last. . . .

(Filched from the Newshounds)

Not fud, just how

the world sees it. (And is that Go Fuck Yourself's shadow in the right-hand window?)

Not fud, but a good question

One I didn't hear asked on NPR this a.m.

Some days

the links write themselves.

(Thanks to Marco)

Take the long road

home with a guy who has probably never typed the words "not every dish succeeds."

Good

one. And another.

Nothing subliminal

about advertising.

8/19/08

Not fud, but calling

Panchito II.

Not fud, but blame

for Panchito. He was not ambling but dimestore cowboying.

Dover

effen sole?

Smells

like Turd Blossom.

I think readers were looking

for Kristol relief.

(Gleaned from table scraps)

Stress

positioned.

The great lobster

mystery. Or is it? (And aren't the yuppies in AARP by now?)

Pitch

perfect.

Not fud, but revelatory

Family values, I guess.

8/18/08

When life gives you terror alerts

make nacho slices.

Not fud, just a lot of beer

What is rich these days?

Too bad

we live in a backwater and can't buy Target's boxed finest.

Not fud, but I had

the same thought.

Tasting

is belittling. Which is encouraging. But I would really like some brain bleach for the Prudhomme image.

One advantage

of growing up poor: You get goat out of the way early.

The not-quite

Victory Garden.

Not fud, but funny

Vote for the guy with the honest hair.

8/17/08

Not fud, but good

I think we've misunderestimated

Russia. We wouldn't be able to afford to eat there.

8/16/08

Wingnut food

chain.

Not fud, but impressive

This guy's thought of everything. But this is better.

(Filched from here)

Found

in translation.

The cake

that keeps on giving.

Accentuating

the positive.

"Real estate

is violence. You have a neighborhood that has been a certain way and then somebody makes a cappuccino. The Realtors smell that and it becomes a gold mine."

8/15/08

The first good story

out of an airport in seven years.

Turkey

bluesiness.

Guess his imaginary friend

let him down. How gullible was this country to swallow the notion that he gave up booze just like that?

The hows and whys

of wine gouging.

The Old Guy

is actually starting to make the Chimp seem likable.

8/14/08

A little knowledge

is a dangerous thing.

Not fud, but queasy-making

If you aren't nervous, you aren't paying attention. Has no one in the Sullied House read "The Road"? Let alone the only thing that got me past 9/11, rereading "On the Beach"?

If only they could

get this in large type on a tiny card, viewable in the dark. The only thing missing is "lying to start an illegal war."

(Filched from the unbaked Haitian supper)

I take it back

No way a princess is going to plagiarize if she has to drink the mimosa. And why in the hell had I never heard of sneaky chef?

Using everything

but the squeal.

Hard to choose

the best turn of phrase: Culinary Tourette's? Like being a judge at a gay dwarves' village fete? Grape Popbitch?

It would be funny

if it weren't so awful. Or prescient.

8/13/08

Not fud, just timely

Days like this.

File under

No shit, Sherlock. Every time I saw a photo of a slobbering Chimp at the Olympics I wondered how those poor forgotten troops felt, risking their lives for what?

(Gleaned from the Ultimate Food Gleaner)

Can we stop

with the penis- and dog-eating pieces now?

Not fud, but good

Gracias, Panchito.

So close

and so far away.

(Gleaned from Multimedia Central)

I wonder

if Mrs. Seinfeld has already written this. (No doubt that an idiot wrote the hed, though.)

As he himself would say

Suck. On. This.

Not fud, but insightful

Not to mention depressingly true.

Inside the belly

of the cheese beast. It's harder work than presidenting.

The whole world

noticed he was hammered. The Brits are too hip.

Antidotes

to Rachael.

Too bad you can't buy stock

in humans. Go, Mireille.

8/12/08

And coming

Too bad Panchito did not frame it as succinctly: From a souse to the White House.

I'll bite

A luau in Riverside Park sounds good.

The hits

keep coming.

Competitive

eating, for sure.

I don't think I'll have

whatever he was drinking.

Now this

is disturbing. Even after Harry moved on, this was such an asset to the neighborhood. And the space was part of the allure.

(Filched from Eater)

Winner

for headline of the day.

Maybe the boss

should get off the internets and start minding the stores.

By tomatoes

possessed. (Very sloppy copy editing, though -- Restaurant "Danielle"?)

8/11/08

The healing game

Forget universal health care. This country, thanks to the antediluvian son of an asshole who has resisted science at every opportunity, can barely keep up with research anymore. And so parents who care desperately are left to rely on the kindness of strangers. Cookies, anyone?

Not fud, just dead-on

Decider's got beer to drink.

When Julia died

so did the last comprehension of what a chef is. Reverse the wording: These are food celebrities (at best).

I guess it's OK

if she's a beer heiress. But can't we all get out of the panty drawer now?

Graphic

for cat feeders.

Days of wine

and greed. Reminds me of a friend we used to have who insisted on traveling high end on photo shoots; eventually, as another friend said, "he first-classed himself out of a job."

Not fud, but appalling

He's gotta be sloshed, and it looks as if he took another tumble off his trike -- his elbow is all scabbed up again. What was that about honor and dignity?

Imagine

if they did follow up on anything besides sex.

More proof

he is too elite, on such an un-American vacation.

Never ends

with the tainted beef.

International

embarrassment. Big time.

Stewing

in Guantanamo.

8/9/08

This Bud is self-explanatory

(Filched from The Upraised Fingers)

Tyson, Take 2

Wait awhile, and someone will always say it for you.

So how's that bargain marketing working out?

Not so well, I'd say.

Let the food and drink metaphors

fly.

Not fud, but great

8/8/08

A fresh look

at an old story. Amazing to think how much the food world has changed since the dad story came out. And how little it has in other ways.

Sanitary

extinction.

Not fud, just perspective

Must be grand to have moved on up from this.

(Filched from Pandagon)

Not fud, but fascinating

Of course, the lapdogs are his base.

And I thought

Banshee pulling up a chair was funny.

I wonder

what the Chinese factory workers who produce it think . . .

8/7/08

We are all

one world. And breathing comes before eating.

Beer

or war?

(Filched from the Boy Wonder)

Not fud, but excellent

The idiot son of an asshole.

(Filched from the inestimable Dan Froomkin; ditto below)

Not fud, but chilling

And impeachment is off the table because . . . ?

Not fud, but LOL

First get out the brain bleach.

(Filched from the Crankpot)

Things

they don't tell you.

Not fud, but revealing

Cheating. It's the American way.

Depends on what the meaning

of fud is.

Not that I'm prejudiced

but I like this opening volley. Will Gentleman Seinfeld now trash her on national teevee? If so, maybe she can get Paris Hilton to retaliate.

No one can touch

AA Gill. Even when he likes the food.

Always ask

a cab driver.

Better in print

but still pretty great.

8/6/08

Not fud, but entertaining

And more substantial than talking heads on the teevee.

(Filched from Monica)

Better late

than never.

Not fud, just worth remembering

It was seven years ago today.

Sanity

may one day prevail in the food world. And one more reason never to ban foie gras: It's the only liver I'll eat.

And the worst part?

He read it off cue cards.

Don't dwell

on the food connection.

8/5/08

Not fud, just sad

I almost didn't link this because I find him and her so pathetic. But if we turn away, we may have to look at them -- half-clothed or not -- for four long years. During which the Trend Casserole might decide to have a big fancy wedding.

Add a lot more

to the high cost of cheap food. Wonder how the Old Guy's advice to "go to your dermatologist" went over in Appalachia.

Funny

how my hometown paper handled this. The changing room on Straight Talk Express One must be busier than Loehmann's.

Not fud, just funny

No room for common sense when there is drilling to be done.

All

in the caption.

Almost enough

to make me start buying Tyson crap. If these people weren't crazy, they'd be hysterical. Or vice versa.

8/4/08

Not fud, but he's axing

for it.

And people think

I'm batshit insane about obesity. (Not fat people. Obesity.) Funny to hear a gun nut arguing for the government to rip the Whoppers out of Americans' cold hands, though.

(Filched from Shakesville)

You learn something

every hour.

(Filched from the Crankpot)