Sorry, not fud, just fascinating

Never had this problem in the subway, only on the bus, where the signs were more insistent that able-assed folks need to cede space. 

Not fud, just depressing

Why did we all sleep through the 2000 election and the unleashing of Go Fuck Yourself? I can't blame Panchito for everything. 

Not fud, just illuminating

This is where founding fathers pledging lives, fortunes and sacred honor has led. Go, Minnesota judges. 

Long may she run

If I were the praying sort, I'd be on my knees with a bumper-sticker printer. 

I'm so old

I remember when all FOH faces were white. And don't ask about the homophobia in the kitchen. 

Wouldn't brass

be a cheaper medium? 

Not fud, just remembering

Granada, and reading the guy's work near the guy's house. Justice, outsourced. 

And the Porcine Pantload

is getting $800 for exactly what? 

(Gleaned from Josh 8.0)

Not fud, just good

blowback.

The mailing address

of my childhood gets its 15 minutes, foam included. 

Update: The friend of nearly 40 years(!) who alerted me observes: If it wasn't rabid when it walked in, it sure was when it walked out. 

Better late than never

Could put Pfizer et al out of kids' business. 

(Filched from Opinioneater)

I assume the wine

was Wet Dreams. 

Not fud, just amazing

that NPR continues to trot them out for respectful interviews every fucking morning. 

Could you even imagine

the Chimp faced with this menu? 

Not fun, unless you count

going without. Probably the most amazing thing I've learned about the First Depression is that people just quit having kids, which made the baby boom seem more of a boom*. At least now it's safer to abort. 

*Heard it on NPR, not sure what program, no time to hunt it down.

(Gleaned from the Carnival.)

As Biden said

you can't housebreak a puppy on the internet. But you can do better things. 

Sometimes a pizza

is just a pizza. For once I want to believe him wrong.

Hope no one ever tells him

about the urine in the breath mints at the cash register.

What's scariest

is that this happened in a country with national health care. Imagine the same here.

I'd make a joke

about naked emperors, but there ain't enough brain bleach for that. 

Aren't there beets

ready to be harvested yet? 

It's all over

but the stupid. 

Vin

d'cation.

Things could be one hell of a lot worse

At least I'm not in the wine lottery. 

The Brits really are different

Run here, this would have led with "gluten-free." The pleasure principle rules. 

Foie gras

and caviar. Although I believe prison currency is actually canned mackerel. 

Not fud, just revealing

Real reporters at work. 

Pretty bad

when cartoonists have better spelling skills than ex-restaurant critics.

But. But. But.

Obama made a bad joke about the Special Olympics! 

You can rile

an awful lot of the people an awful lot of the time.

Not fud, just sad

Where was the bonus outrage six years ago?

Impossible to top

confit of snark. 

So simple

Bizday reporters might be able to grasp it.

Not fud, just graphic

Legacy. With brand. 

Move over

Jokerman.

Not fud, just excellent

Perspective, perspective. And punctuation, too.

Roquefort

Messy but informative.

Tea bagging

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

IndigNation! Populist Uprising '09 - The Enragening

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Christ on a tortilla chip

Where to begin? No out-of-pocket expenses in this $40-copay world? Subliminal cheerleading for the worst health care system in the world? Or just the jaw-dropping idiocy of using a fork to scoop out an avocado? 

(Filched from WashingtonMonthly) 

Eating their young

No wonder she's the new Patti Davis. And her mom is a Rush Head. 

The great food city of Chicago

Evidence filched from here.

And that's the least

of its un-attractions.

Dante couldn't have dreamed this one up

Could there be a less hospitable environment for a gangbang? My ears hurt thinking about it.

Not fud, just a great take

on the lapdogs who let Go Fuck Yourself get away with murder. 

Heckuva job

But I guess he had the proper stance on abortion. 

Don't tell her

supermarkets have self-serve checkouts now. . . 

How did they limit it

to 15 fronts? 

Confirming the obvious

Beware "healthy" cooks.

We've come a long way

from the inarticulate pizza boys of my restaurant school days. . . 

And to think

they did it senza the Saint. Not everyone is awed -- the radiocast this a.m. was pretty frank about the "let 'em eat AIG fare" aspect. 

Not really fud, just apt

There is, after all, more of a market in treating diabetes than preventing it.

Not fud, just beyond appalling

What is that criminal doing spouting bullshit on the teevee? 

Call her

absurdly inescapable. Hope the flack gets more than a pesticide-free bonus. 

If Saint Alice really needed

to be introduced to America, "60 Minutes" was not the right pimp. Somehow I kinda think viewers of that musty show are plugged in enough to know she's damn near inescapable. And anyone younger wouldn't be watching. 

When are the 15 minutes up, please? 

Those little things

that mean a lot. I just don't want to dwell on where bloggers I admire go to chow down. . . 

Coke

or Pepsi? Take them all out to the Stewart woodshed. 

Martha Stewart is a better person

than any of us. I would have beaten the jester bloody with a rolling pin. 

Why they fear kebabs

They might have competition for their finest restaurants:

". . . The sautéed veal with asparagus was at least as good as any I've had in New Jersey, but the breaded and deep-fried lamb chops were teamed with breaded and deep-fried artichokes. All we needed was pommes frites and a cardiologist." 

(I was so much older then.)  

Not fud, just damning

"Jim Cramer isn't an aberration."

Not fud, but no one does it better

And to think I contented myself with imagining he has to keep lying or he'll have to consider what it would be like to be on trial. 

But his greatest accomplishment

was driving the junkyard dog batshit insane with his scoops. 

Read

the fine print. And to think writers have their Twitters in a knot over the Reader's Digest plan to "repurpose" editorial from magazines in other countries. 

I'd feel worse about this

if Americans weren't making so many kick-ass blue cheeses anymore. But Josh is right: They do not belong anywhere near a burger. 

Talk about choosing

your poison.

Lies, damn lies

and advertisements.

Not fud, just excellent

He's pissed.

Funny to think

of people freaking over peanut butter and happily eating cheap bacon. 

Not fud, just enlightening

America: the coming attractions.

Despite where this ran

on the page that reeks of old Kristol lies and fresh Dowd inanity, this seems persuasive. I never worry about eggs from Knoll Krest or pork from Flying Pigs, for good reason. 

Not fud, just good

What it's like to live in the dark. 

(Filched from the Rude Pundit)

Wonder how much

they got for what was left of their souls?

Not fud, just thank you, Al Gore

for inventing the interweb. 

An uninformed consumer

is not always Big Food's best friend. Funny how shitty fast food never causes such hysteria. 

It could be worse

Unaware of loose tea, they could be using Arizona iced.

Not fud, unless you consider

how easily some seem to get away with making shit up about fud, too. 

How bad can the world economy be

when they're baking Barbie into cake and whacking her, too?

Not fud, but applicable to fud sections

How are you going to keep them down with the newsprint when they've experienced enlightenment? 

Not fud, just smart

A woman's place might be in the Treasury Department. 

I wonder if this could have been avoided

with tax cuts and a more business-friendly environment? 

All the world's

The Onion.

Not fud, just worth remembering

The worst four-letter word. 

Seems to me

he lost. Why won't he go away? 

I don't care if it is a stunt

I could never imagine the spawner of the Skank Twins putting down her cig long enough to get her gloves dirty. 

Aw, they're all

in cahoots: How long till the filthy peanut factory is making Handi Wipes for salmonella fud? 

Not fud, unless you consider

how essential good health is to great eating. Something is very wrong with these people. 

Jesus

wept.

From here

to mortgage-backed securities. Or vice versa. Heckuva job, Chimp. 

Not fud, unless you count

what the kids are not getting.

Apparently there's some kerfuffle

over this. I first braved the kitchen when I was in single digits myself, with my schizophrenic, profoundly depressed mom calling out instructions on how to bake a cake as she lay smoking in bed. I'm all for kids cooking. Just don't shove them down my throat like they're Molto Egoettes. 

Not fud, just LOL

The Clintonian revenge.

Back

to the land.

Elves

and cod. 

Why do I find

this more useful than that tired Jane Brody prescription? (No link; don't want to encourage her editors.) 

I admit

even I would be rendered almost mute.

Aerial

assault.

One way

to push up perfume sales in purse-clenched times.

Eyes

on prizes. 

Not fud, just chilling

As evil as we thought they were, they were far, far worse. 

Flip over the rock

and enlightenment might come out. 

Not fud, just LOL

And as Henry Kissinger said, Mom is a woman who knows how to hate.

Lunch

in a circle of hell. The bottled water is a particularly nice touch.

Shades of

"The Pianist." 

All the young administrations

might not need Alice.

Wait

and someone else will do the heavy lifting. 

Not fud, unless you count

the egg being scraped off so many faces in the MSM.